Three Months Ago

Today it has been three months since we found out that we were losing our baby. It has been the hardest thing that either of us has ever been through! This day is a sad day for us but also a happy day as we remember our Glory Baby that God gave to us for a short time! God has taught us both so many things through this difficult time in our lives, and I know that we are not through it yet, but we are getting a little bit closer everyday by giving our Glory Baby over to Him totally and completely, and by trusting His will for our lives. I have learned many things and would like to share a few of them, hoping to encourage anyone reading this.

1.) God doesn't give you strength to handle something until you need it.

The night before we found out that I had lost the baby, I was pretty sure that I was losing the baby but there was nothing that I could do about it. Zach was at a softball game and I was home alone. I remember telling God that if He dared to take my baby that I would not be able to trust Him anymore! (Even reading this now scares me, that I would tell Him that.) I told Him that He couldn't give me the thing I had prayed for, for over two years, and then take it away a few months later! It wasn't fair! After a long battle I finally opened my Bible, and I cant even tell you what verses I read but whatever it was that I read I finally gave it to God trusting that He would not give me more than I could handle. Since I didn't feel that I could handle losing my baby I decided that God wouldn't take my baby. The next day when God did indeed take my baby back to be with Him, I was broken in a way that I cant explain. My first thought was of God, I didn't turn against Him though, as I said that I would, instead I turned to Him realizing that this was bigger then I could handle and that the only way that I was going to get through this was by turning to Him for His help. And He was there through every first hard moment, from calling Zach at work and telling him, to telling our parents and then eventually the rest of our friends and family. I learned in a very real way that God gives you the strength you need right at the exact moment you need it and not a moment before.

2.) I learned that God give us friends to help us through every hard moment!

We had so many friends praying us though this. From the moment we found out we had someone with us, my mother-in-law until Zach got home and then later PJ & Lora. The next day my aunt drove down to be with me and was there before I even got out of bed so that I didn't have to be alone for even a moment! Our family surrounded us with love and support. Later when I had to have an emergency D & C my mother-in-law again was there to help me, even though it was very hard for her! I wouldn't have made it through that day without her help and cant thank her enough! Later that week we had many friend bring dinner and send cards. We were overwhelmed by the support from our friends and family and are so thankful for the Church family that God gave to us.

3.) Its OK to be sad and grieve.

Somehow for a time I felt that since we never actually met our baby that it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I felt unneeded pressure to just move on and forget. We have come to realize that God can use many different ways to help us get past the grief that we feel. We have been so helped by our memory garden planted with the help of our parents, through an ornament hanging on our wall to remind us that yes we are parents! A wonderfully amazing friend made us a book to put pictures in and letters to our baby. We are so thankful for a God that loves us enough to allow us to have emotions to help us deal with our losses.

I hope that some of these things that we have been learning has been an encouragement to you! We are learning to laugh again and to serve our Lord again! We take our comfort in seeing our Glory Baby in Heaven and knowing that our baby is being held in the arms of our Heavenly Father! What better place to be then in the arms of our Father?

Here's some pics that we had taken, some to remember our baby by and other because we are alive and are so thankful for each moment that we have together! We have made it through this trial loving and following our Heavenly Father and in love with each other!

This pic is the front of our ornament

This is the back and says, "Kept Forever in the Heart." Our first baby will always be kept in our hearts even after others have forgotten.

I love this man with all my Heart!

These are some things that a hospital that my aunt works for sent us to remember our baby by. A small afghan and booties and a hat.

Eskimo Kisses! :)

Goofing off!

More goofing off!

THE END!